TSUNAMI .... a serious study ;)

TSUNAMI, the Disaster of the Century, a Serious Study

Everyone, globally, is aware of the catastrophic incidents surrounding the plate shifts in the Indian Ocean that caused a tsunami of gigantic proportions reaching a few continents. Well known is also the advanced warning system in the Andaman island that was the first marvel of Indian technology at its best detecting the Tsunami much ahead of the rest of the world. From electronic correspondence it was determined that the Tsunami was detected at least one hour before the incidence. Though the station-incharge was having a cup of chai at his favorite adda at the time, a general alert was automatically relayed electronically to the command center on the Indian Mainland, from where it was immediately relayed on to the Prime Ministers Office within a few hours, the delay being due to the inability to locate the Environment Minister on time. However, prompt action was initiated, and a high power delegation was hurried assembled and immediately headed for the Andamans in Chetak transport helicopters, built indigenously, to receive Mr. Tsunami on arrival. It has to be further noted that all members of the delegation returned home safely after being unable to locate the islands. Around the same time the tsunami hit the Indian coasts and Sri Lanka. Also to be noted, but of a lesser significance, is the finding of a uniformed station-incharge on the shores of Somalia, still holding a porcelain cup. That incidentally prompted a high level study of the floatation properties of porcelain in extreme environments.

The first crisis to arise in the aftermath of the tsunami was an international incident caused by the international press API, FPI and the UTPs that reported obstruction of fair reporting. Further investigation revealed that the obstruction was caused by millions of colorful lungis covering the entire affected areas and rooftops obscuring a clear view of the disaster area. The then Environment Minister from UP, who was earlier involved in the imposition of Hindi on the state of Tamil Nadu, immediately issued a ban on lungis, which caused a riot resulting in the death of a further few hundred. This was hurriedly withdrawn. However, further irrefutable studies found that rescue workers rescued thousands of lungis from the flood waters without any people in them, confirming the hazard of wearing lungis. A consensus was arrived at and it was decreed, keeping in mind the possibility of further tsunamis, it was mandatory for all lungi wearers to wear a flare. Protests from the opposition BJP were quelled only after they were assured the flares were saffron in color. Further the Shiv Sena insisted on all saffron flares being worn at the waist line on religious grounds and not any lower. There have been numerous reported incidents involving misfiring of the flares at inopportune moments, causing the loss of certain important bodily functions. Further support for the flare movement came from the then Railway Minister Lalloo Prasad who sanctioned 200 crores worth of flares to be fitted on every train and millions of bhains across Bihar between their legs. It was no surprise then that some of the future generations of bhains were born blind.

One of the smaller temples, not far from the world famous Tirupathi was the site for another important historical event. The main pujari and assistant pujaris were performing an important and a large yagna for the deliverance of the land from drought when the Tsunami hit. The main pujari barely survived by hanging onto one of the large bells in the temple premises. When the water receded, a visibly shaken main pujari, found a dead Indonesian man right on top of his yagna. Not having seen an Indonesian before, the pujari noted the man was compressed short, his eyes rendered cross-eyed and his skin was yellow. 500 years hence, it would be noted in the Hindu scriptures of the day of the Sea God’s Wrath, unleashing deadly waves that wiped out the clouds from the skies. It also had further eyewitness claims by some pujari - that the Tsunami turned man into short, cross-eyed, and yellow skinned creatures. As an offering to appease the Sea God, yellow flowers are offered every year during the month of December and penance is performed by the hundreds of devotees by being cross-eyed for an hour.

To be continued …