Toothy: First, the Bible. God made the man and then made the woman and then He looked at them closely. He looked at the woman and was pleased - she was busy preening. He looked at man and exclaimed – What is this fucker doing? ‘Nothing’!!! So He had to make the Apple - to get the fucker going - and regretted it immediately. In no time He lost track of who was screwing who.
Second, prehistoric. Early man was sharpening his tool. No, I meant his hunting tool. No, no, not what you are thinking. I meant the tool used to hunt animals with. He was sharpening this piece of stone and he got hit in the head… and was blinded momentarily. Since it was the prehistoric Americas, his spouse yelled, ‘Fuckin’ Bear!!’ and he exclaimed, ‘I can’t see ‘nuthin’’ and promptly got kicked in his balls for goofing again. Whoever said prehistoric woman was the thinker? She was the thinker and the doer. The only time in recorded history when man was the doer was when she didn’t have a headache. Even today.
In sheer desperation Fuckin’ Bear stuffed his mouth with the nearest shrubs, chewed on it and sat there in a stupor for hours. His wife, not knowing, simply said he was ‘stoned’. This was recorded in the early cave sketches. Women figures are always upright and the men figures are always at a tilt. Those men were dead stoned.
Galileo was dead stoned too. He sat looking up at the sky, seeing nothing, thinking nothing. Off he went and got a piece of glass and realized, through it, he could see nothing better. So off he went and got two pieces of glass and realized nothing was bigger and better that way. That incidentally was how the telescope came into being. Then he cried out to all who listened - there is nothing between us and the stars. And the Church got offended. They ordered him chained and hanged for blasphemy. The Pope stood in his pulpit and shrieked, ‘Galileo is nothing, and Christ is everything’. And they had to set Galileo free. The Pontiff had expressly declared Galileo was nothing – how do you hang a nothing? The Pontiff had his faith shaken momentarily. He summoned Galileo for a dressing down and Galileo got him stoned. Between the two of them, in one enlightening moment, they decided that the earth and the sun were round and one of the two goes around the other.
And it all had to do with nothing.
Second, prehistoric. Early man was sharpening his tool. No, I meant his hunting tool. No, no, not what you are thinking. I meant the tool used to hunt animals with. He was sharpening this piece of stone and he got hit in the head… and was blinded momentarily. Since it was the prehistoric Americas, his spouse yelled, ‘Fuckin’ Bear!!’ and he exclaimed, ‘I can’t see ‘nuthin’’ and promptly got kicked in his balls for goofing again. Whoever said prehistoric woman was the thinker? She was the thinker and the doer. The only time in recorded history when man was the doer was when she didn’t have a headache. Even today.
In sheer desperation Fuckin’ Bear stuffed his mouth with the nearest shrubs, chewed on it and sat there in a stupor for hours. His wife, not knowing, simply said he was ‘stoned’. This was recorded in the early cave sketches. Women figures are always upright and the men figures are always at a tilt. Those men were dead stoned.
Galileo was dead stoned too. He sat looking up at the sky, seeing nothing, thinking nothing. Off he went and got a piece of glass and realized, through it, he could see nothing better. So off he went and got two pieces of glass and realized nothing was bigger and better that way. That incidentally was how the telescope came into being. Then he cried out to all who listened - there is nothing between us and the stars. And the Church got offended. They ordered him chained and hanged for blasphemy. The Pope stood in his pulpit and shrieked, ‘Galileo is nothing, and Christ is everything’. And they had to set Galileo free. The Pontiff had expressly declared Galileo was nothing – how do you hang a nothing? The Pontiff had his faith shaken momentarily. He summoned Galileo for a dressing down and Galileo got him stoned. Between the two of them, in one enlightening moment, they decided that the earth and the sun were round and one of the two goes around the other.
And it all had to do with nothing.
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